So long Smoothies, You All Taste the Same.

It will not be pretty to see me re-unite with delicious unhealthy food. But I deserve it. I survived a week of hunger AND lost 4.5lbs. Plus I resisted ridiculously good food all weekend at the House of Pudge. Well, mostly resisted. I didn't completely fall off the wagon, but one leg was hanging off, trailing the mud a little bit... Let's just say my one solid meal a day was a little more substantial than usual.

But I still lost weight, so take that!

And I'd do it all again. I have complained, it's true. But blogs are the most self-indulgent platforms in the world, and what else was I going to say? "I ♥ starvation"?

The truth is, it's not that bad. Although, I really do think that having a small breakfast would make it slightly better, since it wouldn't do that much harm and breakfast is really quite important. If I was doing it again, I would probably have breakfast, a smoothie for lunch and a light dinner, or something like that.

It's not the most extreme diet, as I've said before, and you still are getting a lot of what your body needs. I think it's fair to say your fruit intake is covered (stinkin' juice and smoothies, it will be weeks until I look at you again). And your one meal a day should be healthy and balanced, so you're getting a lot of what you should be getting there.

The hardest thing for me was not having tea. And potatoes. And alcohol. I love being an Irish stereotype. Potatoes are actually okay, just in small doses. Carbohydrates are evil didn't you know?

Gwyneth Paltrow keeps this diet up for three weeks at a time. I shall not. I need at least one day a week where I can treat myself. Today means pizza. Paltrow would go into shock if she saw the calorie and fat values in one of those bad boys.

But I am not Paltrow. I do not name my children after fruit. I am not attracted to moany rockers. I believe in cheese and white flour, which apparently she does not. I will enjoy my floury cheesy pizza.

And who knows, maybe I'll do it all again in a couple of weeks time....when I can look at smoothies again.

Days Four and Five: Hunger is my friend

So, the final days of my diet experiment, and I'm getting used to the hunger. It may have had something to do with sleeping late - the later I get up, the closer my meals are together! I say meals, I mean smoothies and lettuce leaves. If I never see another smoothie... They all start to taste the same after a while. And I resent them, for not being buttery toast or cheesy something. The smoothies are out to get me.

I have to say, though, I am getting used to this. I have been busy and this helps. I can't imagine hanging around the house all day and managing to stick to this while the kitchen and all her goods seduce me, the filthy hussy. And if you delay that one golden solid meal til about five or six, then the evening is that much easier. Often I don't even really feel like that last smoothie or juice meal, mostly because I'm sick of them, and not because I am that good a dieter. But I think it's probably important for your metabolism to have it, so I do.

The final two days of my diet will present the biggest challenge yet - the weekend at home in my mother's house, also known as pudgy person's heaven. My mother is the best cook in the world - I know everyone thinks that but my mother would kick all your mothers' culinary arses. And she does not believe in me starving myself. I have tried to explain three times that I am trying out this diet for the sake of journalism, and it's like trying to detail the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to a hamster. I will have nothing to distract me from eating everything I can find over the next two days. That floozy of a kitchen will be waiting to lure me in. Wish me luck.

Pear Kopparberg counts as pear juice right?

That's right. I lapsed. I am a terrible dieter, but anyone who knows me well could have told you this. I actually didn't go all out and inhale a 3-in-1 in 30 seconds so I don't feel too bad. I had juice for breakfast and another salad for lunch. And then people in college, those who must not be named, started talking about pints and pizza at about 6pm. And I gave into temptation. Well, the pint part, and not the pizza, which is something.

I was staaarving though. Juice is not a meal, I'm sorry Gwyneth. Maybe if my body was used to such little food then it would cope better, but it really isn't. I had a flapjack to fill me a little, which is hardly sinful - it didn't even have chocolate on it. And then....the pièce de résistance...a lovely cold pear Kopparberg on ice. So there. All I really did was sacrifice one juice meal in the name of oats and pears.

This is good for my brain. Tomorrow, I will awake with a new determination to see this out.

It was worth every sip.

Day Two: Hunger

My day improved slightly, only slightly, after lunchtime. I had my tiny salad for dinner, and a 750ml bottle of water to try and fill up the rest of my stomach. I am now drinking a cup of raspberry tea, which I would never normally do, and I probably won't do again, because it really doesn't have a patch of normal lovely caffeiney sugary tea.

I miss the things that I would normally allow myself if I was just on a normal eat-right diet, like tea and the odd biscuit or low-fat crisps. I wouldn't last much longer than a week if I had to continue denying myself completely. The amount of calories I had today was well less than a thousand, which no proper diet would ever really allow.

It's day two and I'm already moaning about missing food. I wouldn't last a week in Hollywood.

Day Two: Lunchtime

And I am trapped in a glass case of starvation. I have had one berry smoothie and have bought my low-fat salad for dinner, full of lentils and bulgar wheat and other unspeakable horrors. I have work to do and can't really concentrate, plus my stomach is a bit angry with me for only filling it with liquids. My teeth are having a nice rest though.

Day One: Still Alive and Optimistic

Its 6pm on my first day of juicy detoxification. And it hasn't been bad, so far, but it is very likely that I am speaking too soon. The evenings are always the hardest parts when dieting - there's a crucial point at about 10pm when you're so hungry that your only choices are to raid the cupboards for food, food, any type of food or go to sleep before you get any hungrier.

I was in work today so this made this whole routine a lot easier. I was really busy and didn't get around to eating til lunchtime (I'm sure the dietary gods would frown on this) when I had a strawberry and banana smoothie. I have just had a much-too-small portion of vegetarian sushi for dinner and that leaves me with one smoothie/juice allowance remaining for the day, which I'll probably have at about 8 o'clock, because I'm hungry already and I've just eaten the only meal that requires teeth for this whole day...

I feel fine. Apart from the hunger, there are no headaches, weakness or anything like that, because, let's face it, this isn't as extreme as eating only apples or maple syrup/lemon concoctions. That's what kind of makes me think this is a bit more sensible than other fads, since you do actually get to eat, and get some nutrients. Saying that, as soon as this week is over, I'm sure I will be craving filthy carbs and all the cheese I can handle. The killer right now is my craving for something sweet, which will be conquered with my steely determination.

I was reading what Gwyneth Paltrow actually eats as part of this diet, and realised that what I'm doing is really just an adaptation of it. She drinks some weird powder dissolved in water for breakfast, and miso soup for lunch with homemade fruit and vegetable shakes. I am a poor student who can't afford a blender or weird breakfast powder or miso for miso soup so I am settling for fruit juice and smoothies. It's all the same anyway right?

Anyway, I'm off to research what the most filling fruit juice might be...

Tomorrow, tomorrow...

...is a fresh start. After weeks of eating whatever I wanted, simply due to the fact that I was studying and therefore can eat whatever I like to comfort myself about my sad non-existent social life, it is time for change. It just so happens that this is also in the name of research - a few of us journalism students are road-testing some of the fad diets favoured by celebrities and diet junkies alike to see just how successful they are.

Given that I have probably consumed about 4,000 calories a day for the last two months, I figured that trying one of the more extreme diets might be a little risky as my body would probably shut down due to shock. Anyway, I love food way too much to be able to survive on sniffing lemons and drinking shot glasses of wheatgrass whenever I feel hungry. Therefore, my diet of choice for this experiment is Gwyneth Paltrow's juice/detox diet, in which she has two liquid meals a day - either pure fruit juice or smoothies - and one 'balanced' meal. The 'balanced' is to ensure that I don't devour a large pizza in one sitting and claim that it's fine because it's only one solid meal. Paltrow apparently forages for pulses and berries for this meal, while I'll just have salads and various other low-fat delights. Also, this diet encourages yoga or some other form of hippy exercise, which I will probably just replace with a jog in the evening. Or a fast walk if I'm being realistic.

I am no stranger to diets. I have survived on one meal a day before - in Leaving Cert, I didn't eat at all throughout the day until I got home and had a pitta bread with tomatoes and low-fat mayonnaise for dinner, along with a cup of tea. I have an on/off relationship with Weight Watchers. I have even attempted to last on awful awful diet shakes as my only form of nutrition (this lasted a day until I nearly fainted and surrendered to pasta at 9pm that night). My success depends on my willpower. Mondays always hold the best intentions and by Friday I'm convinced I've lost about 20lbs and that I now look like Victoria Beckham and NEED to eat something proper. But I'm optimistic about next week and trying something new.

So today I'm enjoying the last of my food freedom. Tonight, I just so happen to be going for a three course meal, which - after seeing how my fellow dieters have suffered - I will savour to the last. And tomorrow, bring on the juice.